“Thank you” to those who have taken the time and made the effort to engage by either taking the time to even read the story, like, heart, comment in support; or slide into my DM’s with information, suggestions, stories, sympathy, or other. There was no “other”, thankfully lol, but I’m sure there may have been, or there was certainly the potential for, “unfortunate” thoughts but I’ll get to that one some other time. It’s definitely on my list.

I take each and every suggestion to heart and I appreciate all of them. The responses indicated to me that it would have made more sense to post the whole “cause of events story” with more detail (https://dougstrid.com/?p=89) prior to the one that precipitated this one, but ok. Here we are and we’re learning. Communicating is hard for me. Christ, it was difficult prior to all of this and now adding in the communication of my feelings and trying to explain something that can’t possibly be simulated is REALLY hard, and fuckin’ weird.

*My minds eye revealed the faces of a few people who I know cast judgement by seeing the word “fuckin'”. That’s really unfortunate that you do that to yourself. We’ll touch on that one later. (The judgement part, not the faces part.) It’s also on my list.

Back to the Melon…

Technically, It is Sensorineural Hearing Loss or SNHL, which includes problems of the inner ear, or cochlea, and/or the auditory nerve that connects the inner ear to the brain. I have zero issues with my ear drum, middle ear or inner ear. I am 100% deaf in my left ear but it only 99% sucks. Lemme explain… There are some instances, with certain company, that I am incredibly fortunate for this super power in which I can make sounds disappear with a slight turn of my head.

Where the arrow points below is where my problem resides. Everything to the left of that Red line is fine.


I also have tinnitus (ringing). Constantly, 24/7 for 157 days now. I have experienced ringing before, many times in the past, but I could still hear. It was super annoying…and fortunately, temporary. It’s not ringing over the top of, or through the sound. It’s just ringing on the left side of my head, no other sounds from the left. It’s freaky sometimes when the ringing fluctuates and I hear other sounds like sirens or like “high hat” cymbals or little popping sounds.

So all of this causes balance issues as well, but the fun part is that the brain is able to recalibrate much of that. There has been a lot of improvement from the first 30 days but it will never be 100%. I roll at about 75-80%. Patterned floors are a bitch but I can still ride my OneWheel, albeit much slower than before.

To best get some sense as best I can describe, take a noise cancelling ear bud, tune into about 3800Hz (https://youtu.be/Rm18S1F24I8) and enjoy!

I’ve seen Two ENT’s, two Audiologists, an Opthamologist, a Neurologists a Neurosurgeon, a Chiropractor and an Acupuncturist, who’s a PHD and has taught Acupuncture and Chinese Herbal Medicine in the Chicagoland for 30 years. I’ve had two MRI’s, a CT, auditory and visual exams as well. At no point, was any physical therapy or exercises even entertained. It’s beyond that.

And do you think I haven’t been down the Youtube or Tiktok rabbit holes, in hopes that somewhere, someone has found the secret to shutting off the fuckin’ headhorn? Of course I have. I’m afraid that I may find it, and it will be something like “In order to cure yourself of horrible ailment, you must insert this object into…”. Damn, no wonder everyone else just chooses to suffer… and the cure aint public. LOL “Ok, No thanks, Man. I’m good! I’ll just try and ignore it” LOL.

Stem cell therapy for this issue isn’t a thing yet either, from what I’ve seen. That’s the most frustrating part is that there is so little information on Tinnitus. I’ve signed up to be on lists for clinical studies as well. I’m down for whatever.

Having this “Headhorn”, it’s as if I’m built more like a tractor/trailer than your standard, two-axle vehicle as my brain being the tractor/ body the trailer (albenow improperly loaded)/ being my head. I’ve gotta work a bit harder to keep ‘er between the lines. Often times, the tractor will decide to take an unexpected off ramp and I’ve got to pause and make sure I’ve got all my shit together and I’m safe to proceed and getting back on the road. (Stop and think about what I was doing as I’m very easily distracted). If I’m doing physical work, the trailer has the advantage and I’ve got to pull into the “Crash Investigation Area”, then get back on the road…if I can and choose to. Like playing pickleball for instance.

If I’ve kept you here this long, thank you. Thank you for your time, as I’ve recently learned to understand and appreciate it to be as precious and valuable as it actually is. I didn’t see this coming and I’m now also living with a constant and varying level of fear and assessing healthy and unhealthy fears and wondering where I will find my next limitation or challenge, then determine how to overcome them. Then typically followed up with assessing whether or not I give a shit enough about overcoming said challenge based on effort/reward ratios.

I have to add this, sadly, because I feel the need to. This isn’t a pity party…completely. And ok, welcome to it! As I stated previously, I’m doing this for me more than anyone and if it’s beneficial to someone along the way, beautiful. That’s exactly how it’s supposed to work, isn’t it?
This isn’t easy for me and I’d much rather be doing just about anything else, normally, as I did prior to March 6th 2023.
I’m not a good communicator. I want to be, and I most importantly NEED to be a better communicator and I think this helps me achieve that. I think better communication can solve a lot of problems and responsibility of effective commutation is equally distributed equally between both the sender and receiver.

It’s also very therapeutic to be my own creator of something IN ADDITION TO being a consumer. It forces me to absorb and process information differently than before. Reading is more difficult after a while with my eyes bouncing across pages causing me to take frequent breaks. Even typing this is a bit of a challenge as well.

Quick update:
I am now in a period where I can now go back and begin the process of a Cochlear Implant if I choose to do so. They (or at least MY ENT’s) encourage patients to wait a good 6-8 Months, as often times the conditions change; Hearing will return to some degree and the tinnitus can sometimes fade or become intermittent in some patients, which can change the types of implants as there are many out there on the market for different things. As my ENT stated that I was “Fucked” (verbatim. LOL), and he was certain it wasn’t coming back I could probably have it already. They’re intrusive and it requires drilling into my skull so I’m really in no rush. LOL.

I’ve also gotten an appointment at Loyola Medical the first week of September and it’s provided me a bit of optimism but I’m trying to manage my expectations.

Going in for another MRI this evening.

Be kind,

-Doug